Again

Yesterday, as I drove home from another night of rehearsal at the Alliance, I listened to Janet Jackson's “Again”. It’s my nostalgia song. It takes me back to the summer of 1993 - of being down home in Blakely, GA (Blakely, I’ve decided, is the closest place on earth I’m going to come to a hometown. Blakely and Duluth. I don’t know why I’m afraid to say I’m a Georgian, as though I’m somehow false in saying that.)

We were dismissed from rehearsal early, and I walked towards the elevator, and I heard her voice. I knew it was her before I even saw her. And then I did see her. And there she was. Who I consider my very first acting teacher, Sharon Foote. Her wonderful, shockingly white Edna Mode haircut just as I remembered it. Her voice seemed to have southernified even more. At first, as she walked with her class to the elevator, and we got on, we exchanged pleasant smiles. And I saw the glimmer. Everyone who’s changed somehow, whether losing weight or making themselves over or transitioning or … what have you, knows that look. The look of someone trying to place you, but not quite being able to. Finally, as we were all exiting the elevator and going into the lobby, I stopped her and said, “You may not remember me but I’m a former student of yours.”

Again, those words I’ve never had the chance to really utter. While UGA is my alma mater, and it fed me for a bit, I never developed the exchange of souls. Perhaps alma pater. A bit of distance. 

But, the Alliance, for better or worse, feels like an artistic home. 

Rehearsal for Skye Passmore’s play, PERIL, as part of the Reiser Lab at the Alliance Theater and East x Southeast, created by Amee Vyas, Michelle Pokopac, Jack Ha, and Skye Passmore.

Back before Hollywood really blew up Atlanta, there weren’t that many schools. And now, I consider Drama Inc as much an alma mater as the Alliance, in that it helped form who I am as an artist and an actor. PNO will always have a space there.

But back then, I didn't know which schools to trust. Which teachers to trust. This was me taking my first acting classes ever, aside from that disastrous semester my sophomore year at uni. So, I signed up for classes at The Alliance. A trusted institution. As much criticism we lob at institutions, they are there for a reason. And the criticism is well deserved, in order to keep them in step with the times and culture. 

But Sharon Foote was my first teacher. She helped to mold me. For me, it was like visiting my old German babysitter or my godmother. 

She did her trademark “you should take my class again,” And asked what I’d been up to. It’d been ten years since we’d seen each other. Eleven actually. 

And how does one sum up transitioning, making films, being on set, becoming a duchess, becoming a sundance fellow, sitting on a panel with Lilly Wachowski and Ser Anzoategui literally days before? Or sum up that I’m in rehearsals for a dear friend’s show as part of the Reiser Lab at the Alliance. That rehearsals have been so soul-nurturing as an artist to get to create in this incredibly safe space where we all feel held as artists. And more importantly, telling a story as important as it is, that has absurd humor but profound depth (one of the most effective tools one has when part of a marginalized community that isn’t being heard.)

So I just said I’m doing well. Doing incredibly well,” and told her students they were all in great hands. 

The universe says that this blood eclipse we’re coming upon is, for me, an end to things. A saying goodbye:

“Under the May 2022, Blood Moon Eclipse, we are being guided to close the door on a chapter in our lives. This Eclipse represents endings, closure, and completion. Something needs to end, and this Eclipse is going to be the trigger.

As this Eclipse falls in the transformative sign of Scorpio, we may also find ourselves retreating within to shed layers and move into a deeper and more authentic state of being.” - - Intuitive Astrology

Rarely do I dream of eclipses. But the other night, I dreamt I was driving home from a show or performance, and saw the moon, half full, but blood red. 

Perhaps there are no signs, or perhaps there are signs everywhere. Perhaps it’s just that human tendency to look for meaning in things in an attempt to make sense of chaos. The world is certainly more magical with meaning ascribed to events, things, and actions. So I choose to look at the angel numbers I’ve seen so much this year that it’s almost creepy. Or dreams like the one I had the night before. Or the chance encounter (the amount of alignment for rehearsal to end, for their class to end, for me to not hang around and talk with my castmates and friends). 

There’s certainly a chapter being closed. And another one is beginning...

My eclipse manifestation is an art institution like the alliance, south of i-20, led by the Prismatic Queerdom of Vosges. A museum for queer art; a performing space in the style of Palais Garnier, as well as two black box theaters for audiences, and several black box theaters for creating new works, and spaces for holding classes. 

P.S - Should The Waltz, and Elle, and the feature of The Duchess become successful, you will know where all profits have gone.  I will pour parts of them into this vision.